Vaudeville Only Wishes It Was Dead: a quick tie-in to the adventures of Dancer.

“Alright Vizh…” Fleabot announced, bounding into the Lighthouse’s living room. “What is it you… GAH!”

“Isn’t he something?” Visionary asked proudly, displaying a vaguely humanoid shaped muppet on his knee.

“Oh lord…” Fleabot noted, hopping up onto the coffee table. “What, did you find another previously unknown son? And was this one surrogated by Barney the Dinosaur? Or at least mauled by him?”

“One, dinosaurs lay eggs” Visionary informed him coldly, adjusting the little yellow trench coat on the three-foot high felt doll sitting on his knee. “And two, this is just that prototype “Tickle-Me-Donar” from years ago. I found him in the Lair’s attic and stitched him back up.”

“Uh-huh” Fleabot noted warily. “Why is he wearing a little green sweatshirt with a yellow diamond on it?”

“I thought it would work better for the act if he looked more like me.”

“Act? What act? And didn’t Tickle-Me-Donar used to have a beard?”

Visionary nodded, looking over the felt monstrosity. “I had to shave the doll first, obviously.”

“This may easily be the most frightening conversation I’ve ever had in my life” the tiny robot observed.

“Well, speaking of conversations…” the Regular began casually. “That’s where you come in.”

“In? In what?”

“I was thinking just inside the mouth, although there’s a lot of empty space inside his head too.”

“Was that another change you made for accuracy?” Fleabot quipped. “Now what the hell are you talking about?”

Visionary looked sheepish. “Well, Dancer has bought this old theater, and she’s insisting that we all put on a variety show with our various talents…”

“You don’t have any talents” Fleabot observed.

Visionary made a face. “Lisa said “no getting off on a technicality”.” He sighed. “If I can’t come up with something better, then Dancer wants me to sing…”

“Somebody on this planet wants you to sing?” the robot scoffed.

“She might be just a little bit desperate.”

“You’re just noticing that tendency now, eh?”

“Hey!” Visionary objected. “That’s my sis…er…sister’s friend, you’re talking about.”

“She slept with you once, didn’t she?”

“Just get in the damn puppet, will you?” Visionary scowled.

Fleabot looked over the sorry dummy critically, then did the same with the puppet. “Just how would this constitute an “act”, anyway?”

“It’s ventriloquism!”

“Ventriloquists have an actual talent” Fleabot noted. “Arguably.”

“Look, you be the voice of the puppet. We come out, we tell a few jokes, do a little shtick, and then I’ll drink a glass of water or something onstage while you keep talking… It’ll be great!”

“So your talent will be the amazing ability to drink water on stage” the robot drawled. “How is that entertainment?”

“Last night, network television had one show where contestants ate llama testicles, one show where people randomly picked out briefcases full of cash, and one show with Donald Trump.”

The miniscule robotic flea paused. “Okay, in the age of reality TV, maybe the “entertainment” bar is set kinda low…” He shook his head to clear it. “Wait, no… this is still one of the stupider ideas you’ve had. And that’s saying something.”

“Well, there’d be jokes involved…” Visionary wheedled.

“Yes, I imagine that’s what the critics would say about us” Fleabot sighed. “Do you even know any jokes?”

The Regular thought on that. “Why did the chicken…”

“Next” Fleabot interrupted.

“Um…” Visionary strained. “Oh! CSFB says he knows one we can use, about a family act auditioning for a talent agent…”

Fleabot dropped his head to his hands. “Maybe I should hear the rest of the chicken one.”

“Do I want to know what’s going on?” a dry voice asked from the landing of the stairs.

Three heads (one of them felt) were turned to regard Quoth standing on the banister looking down at them.

“We’re just discussing our act for the talent show” Visionary explained. “I made a Vizh puppet. I thought maybe after we rehearsed a bit, we’d show it to the kids.”

Quoth looked over the crudely stitched felt monstrosity. “Well, that would be one way of making sure the children’s nightmares aren’t about Auntie.”

Visionary huffed defensively. “It’s all for a good cause. Er… I’m not sure exactly what cause it is, mind you, but I’m pretty sure it would have to be if Dancer’s organizing it. And since I… um, I mean, since we can’t get out of it, I just want to put on the most entertaining show possible.”

The raven rolled her eyes as she looked down at them. “And you really think there are people out there who would be amused by the two of you simply bickering at each other for an entire segment?” She shook her beak and fluttered back up the stairs. “As if there’s an audience that desperate for amusement!”

Visionary exchanged an uncertain glance with Fleabot.

“It's not beyond the realm of possibility” the robot offered hopefully.

Post By Visionary Fri Oct 06, 2006 at 01:21:26 am EDT	Subject Vaudeville Only Wishes It Was Dead: a quick tie-in to the adventures of Dancer.

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